No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
