Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
