there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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