We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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