this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was confusing and full of hummus
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
