im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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