guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
