I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
