a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
