sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
