so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
