I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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