just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
