On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
