There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
