PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
