so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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