Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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