They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
