if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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