i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
