I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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