haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
