masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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