oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
