You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize