There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
