so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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