Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
