You just made me feel so damn special
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
