you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
