i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
