Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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