you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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