They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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