I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
