Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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