remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
