To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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