just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
40s are totally the cure
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
