my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
