EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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