I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
