community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
