I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
