I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
