My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
