My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
