i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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