I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
