Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God, I missed his penis.
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