he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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