Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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