Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
