Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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