fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
