So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
