I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
