She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk is not a location!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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