the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
