I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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