i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
