New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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