I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
