tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
