my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
