the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
