please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
