i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize