I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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